


Jamie's No Good, Very Bad Game

by canuckgirl



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: 2016-2017 NHL Season, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-01
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2019-01-07 10:16:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12230844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/canuckgirl/pseuds/canuckgirl
Summary: Usually Jamie is the one giving a heartfelt pep talk to Tyler but what if this time the roles were reversed and it was Tyler and Jordie desperate to cheer Jamie up after he felt he let his team down.





	Jamie's No Good, Very Bad Game

**Author's Note:**

> I am trying to write a scary Bennguin Halloween fic but this came out instead. I guess I just can't do scary ha ha.
> 
> Hope you all enjoy this anyway and any mistakes are mine and mine alone.
> 
> Kudos and comments make my day but so do the hits!!!

Jamie sighed in frustration as he let himself in his house after the horrific 2-0 loss to the New York Rangers in which all kinds of shit happened.

Yes, there was Cody's hit on Lundqvist, but the two things that had Jamie down in the dumps and blaming himself was a couple of things:

One was his turnover that led to Rick Nash's goal that would be the winner and the other was shooting the puck and inadvertently hitting Tyler in the wrist with it, causing his best friend to gasp and wince in utter pain, grabbing his wrist and swearing like a sailor.

Panicked and worried, beccause a Tyler injury is the last thing this team needs right now, Jamie had raced over and gingerely took Tyler's wrist in his hands and looked it over.   
Tyler had insisted that he was fine, promising that he would go to the trainer's if it got worse.

Jamie was skeptical and reluctantly let it go, abruptly turning away from Tyler and skating off, leaving a confused Tyler staring after him, bewildered. Jamie vaguely overhear Jordie whispering something comforting to Tyler but was too far away and didn't care to hear what it was.

"What a fucked up game? Why do I even deserve to be captain? I played like shit....god, even Jordie is playing better than me right now. Maybe he should be captain....I'm just a hasbeen now with fucked up hips and a screwed up core muscle...." Jamie muttered to himself, drudging his way up the stairs to his bedroom, totally ignoring turning on any downstairs lights and only bothering with the stair lights and the hallway lights upstairs.

"Should just bench me, that would be a good Christmas present. I play like shit, I am shit. I don't deserve to be anyone's teammate. The Art Ross and Olympics were just one offs, I'm not good," he kept chanting miserably to himself, entering his bedroom and undressing, simply dumping his clothes in a pile instead of putting them away like he usually does.

After that, Jamie unfolded the bed covers and climbed in underneath them, curling up into a ball and sniffling, his mind bombarding him with nasty thoughts, brainwashing Jamie into thinking that he wasnt any good.

"I want my mum," was all he said, before losing himself in sobs, never ever hearing the door open downstairs and worried voices call his name.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

As soon as Tyler had felt the puck hit his wrist and automatically start stinging with huge ass pain, he immediately shoved his physical agony aside to focus on Jamie's mental agony as Tyler saw a distraught Jamie rushing towards him, looking in panic at where Tyler was holding his stinging wrist.

"TYLER?!! Oh god no! Are you okay? I am so sorry, I didn't mean to hit you I swear oh geez...god I keep fucking up," Jamie was talking so fast and so frantically that Tyler had to strain to hear what he was saying.

Tyler could sense, and he had been for awhile now, Jamie's anguish and frustration boiling over and by the looks of it it may have completely snapped him apart now. Wincing back his pain, Tyler interrupted Jamie in his ramblings, shushing him gently and hoping to put him at peace.

"Sssh, it's okay Jamie. It's not your fault, it's just a freak thing. You didn't do it intentionally. Wrong place at the wrong time, that's all. No big deal. It happens...." Tyler was cut off and left staring at Jamie in confusion as Jamie shook his head, growling. Tyler stepped back, slightly alarmed and scared.

"'No big deal?' Of course it's a fucking big deal Ty. I could have fucking hit you in the head for all the fucking bad shit that's been happening to me lately. And you think it's not a big deal? Bull shit. Absolute bullshit!"

And Jamie angrily skated off, leaving Tyler's mouth wide open in utter confusion and disbelief as to what had just transpired. He completely did not feel the stinging pain in his wrist no longer; instead he felt stinging hurt in his heart where Jamie had just broken it.

Tyler must have blanked out because he barely felt someone's glove tap him on the ass and a worried "Tyler?" come from Jordie, who had witnessed the exchange and was also gazing after Jamie in concern and helplessness.

"Are you okay buddy? What was that about? Ty? Hey...buddy...did Jamie say or do something to you?" Jordie was patting Tyler on the back gently, hoping to snap Tyler out of it.   
Tyler jumped at the touch then seeing it was only Jordie, he relaxed slightly.

"Jamie....he's blaming himself for firing the puck and it hitting my wrist. I'm okay, I swear but don't bother telling him that. I know that turnover tonight was just bad luck, everyone has done it but he is taking his struggles so hard, Jordie. It's breaking my heart. The poor guy has the weight of the world on him and he won't let us help him...and it's upsetting me now Jordie. I can't stand to see him like this," Tyler barely got that out before a couple of tears trickled out and he wiped them away.

Jordie's heart was breaking seeing not just Jamie in the state he was currently in but also for Tyler who was in distress and helpless at the state of his best friend. He pulled Tyler in for a gentle hug and leaned in close to whisper quietly to him,

"It's going to be okay Tyler. It may not look like right now but it's going to be okay. And so will Jamie. I won't let him deteriorate any more. Here is what we're going to do: we will keep our distance after the game and just let him be and then we will go see him and talk to him. Get it all sorted out. I can't stand seeing my baby brother like this either. He doesn't deserve the shit he's been through but that's why we're here, Seggy. To help him, even if he doesn't want it."

Tyler nodded and Jordie patted him on the head and the both of them skated off to the bench to count down the final few minutes of the game, the mood made worse by the 2-0 loss. 

However, the loss went far beyond the game and even though they couldn't change the score, Jordie and Tyler were determined to change or at least brighten Jamie's mood. To put some cheer and light back in his life because it's the holidays, damn you. Nobody deserves to feel sad.

Not even their beloved captain. It was time for his teammates to LEAD their Jamie back to where he belonged.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

The game was now over and after the usual media shit and talking with the coaches, the players were left to undress, shower, and go home for the evening. Naturally, and as expected, Jamie was quick to be the first one out of there and said nothing as he practically ran the hell out of the room and on his way home.

His teammates noticed the odd behaviour and looked at one another in confusion, wondering what was going on with Jamie, if he was okay. They looked at both Tyler and Jordie knowing they had the answers.

"What's up with Jamie man? is he okay?" one of the younger teammates asked.

Jordie cracked a half-grin and nodded in the teammate's direction.

"He will be okay, no worries. Jamie will be fine, Tyler and I will make sure of it. He's just going through a rough stretch right now but all will work out. For now, I will be the Benn to lead," Jordie teased, throwing a joke in there to lighten the mood.

The locker room laughed, a pleasant sound right now and a welcome relief. Hey, if Jordie had to do that then he would. He would carry this team in the short run until Jamie was himself again.

"Jordie Benn: Captain? Doesn't sound right to me," Sharpy couldn't help but snark as he strolled by casually from where he was checking in on his injury update. He laughed and ducked as Jordie threw a ball of tape at him. "Not very captainly to do that you know."

Once more, laughter erupted and Jordie and Tyler wished everyone a goodnight and goodbye and made their way out to where Jordie was parked. Tyler got in the passenger seat and closed the door, sighing as Jordie got in the driver's seat and also sighed, staring aimlessly ahead at nothing. Then, he turned to look at Tyler, who was staring back him, biting his lip like he always did when he was uncertain and not knowing what to expect.

"Jamie needs saving from himself. Whoever thought that we would be saying that. He saved me from myself after Boston and I never ever thought it would happen the other way around. I was grateful that he was there to help and I have to do the same now and I'm going to do whatever it takes to help him feel better the way he helped me feel better. I owe Jamie that. Jamie deserves that," Tyler said softly, as Jordie reached over and grabbed Tyler's hand, squeezing it firmly.

"He will be grateful for it, Ty, he will be. It's not going to be pretty and you know that but like my dad always told me: 'never quit'. Especially on my baby brother. You ready?" asked Jordie, nervous but trying to hide it.

Tyler nodded in return.

"Ready. Let's do this."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Only 5-10 minutes later, Jordie and Tyler had arrived at Jamie's home and were concerned at how dark the place was, the only indication that Jamie was home was his car being parked in the driveway. Albeit haphazardly, unlike the near perfect way that he usually parks.

The two let themselves in quietly with Jordie's spare key that he had to Jamie's home, due to the one time that Jamie had locked himself out (that shall be another story) and ever since then Jordie had had the extra key.

"Jamie? Buddy you here?" Jordie called out, receiving no answer and that was a slight cause for alarm. The downstairs was completely dark and that frightened Jordie and Tyler. Not just because they were afraid of the dark (something that only the two of them and Jamie knew! they didn't want that getting out) and the fact that this screamed a horror movie scenario.

What if Jamie was lying gutted to death somewhere in the dark and Jordie and Tyler were about to trip over the bloody body? What if the killer(s) were still in the house and behind the unsuspecting duo? 

Jordie and Tyler pushed those thoughts out of their heads as they went along turning on the living room lights, dining room lights and kitchen lights so the downstairs was lit. 

Jordie and Tyler came to a stop at the bottom of the stairs and noticed lights on up there. Nodding to one another, they began to walk up the stairs and heading down the hallway to where Jamie's bedroom was.

As they came closer, they heard muffled crying at first that soon turned into full-on sobbing and Jamie whimpering inbetween, saying nonsensical words that couldn't be understood. Jordie's heart shattered at hearing his brother so upset while Tyler fought to hold back tears of his own.

Stopping at the doorway, they saw that Jamie's room was dark but were still able to make out a lump underneath the bedsheets. Hoping this wouldn't alarm Jamie too much, Jordie reached over to where he thought the lamp was and turned it on successfully. 

Jamie didn't even flinch or notice through out his crying, and that was a cause for even more concern as Jordie and Tyler further entered the room. 

Jamie was so far gone in his misery that it will take awhile to bring him out but Jordie has faced more difficult tasks than that before when it came to Jamie. From taking the blame and ending up grounded for something that Jamie did when they were younger (crashing the car into a snowbank when he wasn't allowed to take it out at all) to getting detention for punching a bully that was harassing Jamie, Jordie had dealt with pretty much everything.

Sure, he had also brought Jamie back from his own self when he was trapped in his own head after a bad game or a bad slump, but this time....seemed different. More painful. For starters, Jamie NEVER cried and if he was crying right now...that was not a good thing. The pain was deeper than usual and Jordie had a feeling that he and Tyler were in for a desperate struggle this time.

Jordie and Tyler glanced at each other, nodding in determination as the two went around to either side of Jamie's bed and very gently sat down on both sides, careful as to not scare him. But Jamie didn't even flinch; in fact the two weren't even sure that Jamie had even felt them sit down.

"Jamie? Bro, talk to us. Please? We want to help you," urged Jordie, as the lump under the sheets slowed his sobbing to the point where Jamie was just hiccuping and sounding like he was almost going into a panic attack. Jordie knows the signs of a panic attack in Jamie and usually when Jamie cries and those turn to hiccups that quick, that was the telltale sign that a panic sign was imminent. "Jamie!"

Jordie and Tyler pulled the covers back and their hearts shattered even more of Jamie curled into a tight little ball, like a helpless kitty cat afraid of something bad being after it. 

Jamie's eyes were red and puffy from crying and Jordie sighed as he picked up his brother and hauled him into his arms protectively. Jordie put his forehead to Jamie's and kept his eyes open, forcing Jamie to look him in the eyes.

"Jamie, look at me. That's it. You know the drill. Deep breaths and look at me. I'm right here with you, so is Tyler. We won't leave you, we're here. Come on bro. You can do it. Breath in....and out. Breath in and....out. Keep repeating. There you go. You can do it..." Jordie encouraged as Jamie tried to shake his head no but seeing the big brother look from Jordie made him change his mind. 

Jamie felt a gentle squeeze on the shoulder from Tyler followed by a back rub and Tyler whispering in his ear, comforting things like "Proud of you Jamie" and "That's it Chubbs, that's it. Keep it up. There you go."

Slowly and surely, Jamie began to calm down, his hiccups diminishing and sniffling, wiping his nose on his sleeve, causing Jordie and Tyler to grimace in disgust, teasingly. Jamie turned from his cradled position in Jordie's arms so he could look at both his brother and Tyler, an inquisitive look on his face.

"What are you guys doing here? I'm sure you have better things to do than to come and sit by the captain's side while he has a breakdown because he can't captain his team properly. Can't score...can't lead, can't do a damn fucking thing right! Maybe you should be captain Jordie. You're better than I am, always have been. You too Tyler...." Jamie's voice started to turn more bitter now that the crying had finished.

Both Jordie's and Tyler's faces hardened at what they had just heard come from Jamie and they half-frowned, half-scowled at Jamie in one of those joint looks that screamed 'you're going to listen to us and listen to us now.' 

"Me and Tyler captain? Uh I don't think so buddy. There is only one guy that is suited to be captain of this team and that's you Jamie. You. Times are tough right now and it's hard on everyone and Tyler and I can't even begin to imagine how you're feeling but please don't feel you have to take it on all yourself. You alone against the world. That's not how it works. We're here to help you Chubbs, don't EVER be afraid to ask for help okay? All of us could be doing better, it's not just you and don't forget that you've had some major surgeries the last couple of years...it's going to take you some time to get back to your full form. As long as you haven't been pushing yourself or hiding any pain...that's all that matters." Jordie saw the embarassed look on Jamie's face and knew. So did Tyler, whose mouth was open in shock. "Jamie...please tell us you haven't been hiding any pain? Please." Jordie pleaded, not angry because that wouldn't help right now.

Jamie needed support and anger was the one emotion that was NOT allowed here, as tempting as it may be. Instead of being angry, Jordie and Tyler were disappointed and a little hurt more than anything but tried to hide it from Jamie. 

Jamie didn't even bother to shy away this time; he just nodded, the first time in what seemed like forever he had been honest. Not just with anyone but with himself too. All along he had been fooling himself into thinking that after having double hip surgery in 2015 and then a core muscle surgery this past summer, he would be right as rain just like that. But no, it doesn't work like that and for Jamie that was a tough pill to swallow. He just needed to get it off his chest because he had been holding it in for far too long.

Why Jamie had ever thought that hiding things and keeping things to himself was ever a good idea....he would never know himself as even he wonders that.

"I know guys I know. I...ask that myself too and that's part of the problem. I demand too much of myself, expect too much of myself. I set goals and that's fine but maybe some goals aren't realistic for right now and I get frustrated. I want to be back at the level I was, but it's out of my control and that's why I am the way I am right now. And on top of that, the team is struggling and I feel it's my fault because I could be doing better and I can go on but that's the gist of it. Maybe this is is my punishment for playing through the bum hips and winning the Art Ross trophy. With good things comes the not so good things, like I deserve this...." sighed Jamie, feeling a teeny bit better now that he had gotten that out.

Jordie and Tyler were staring at Jamie in disbelief at what they had just heard. Did Jamie honestly think he didn't deserve the Art Ross trophy a season or two ago and that now it was karma catching up to him? Jamie did nothing wrong in the first place; that's the part the two didn't get. Jordie opened his mouth but Tyler beat him to it, wanting to get his view in.

"Jamie Jamie Jamie. Don't you ever think that. Don't. Winning that trophy proved that you're among the elite players now and you did that with so much hard work and dedication to get here where you are now. It's not a joke; would you be captain if it were? No. It's not a mistake jamie. I wouldn't be the player I am without you; you made me a better player and a better person. Jordie can say the same. Yes, it's tough right now but we win as a team together. As a whole. We go down with the ship, as one. You're our leader Jamie but that doesn't mean we can't help you out. We're here for you you have to know that. If you need help don't feel you have to hide it and let it escalate. You take on too much Jamie and I feel, to be honest, like you don't trust me to help you, to take on some of that burden. I know what it's like with the injuries, with the knee last year and the Achilles this year and it's so frustrating that it takes time to heal. When I had to pull out of the World Cup, that was more devastating than I thought it would be and I kept it to myself. Didn't tell anyone until you noticed when I got back Jamie. Nothing gets by you, you can always spot right away when a teammate or Jordie or I are not feeling right. That's one of the best qualities you have Jamie and we love you for that. I love you for that," Tyler leaned in and kissed Jamie on the forehead before pulling back and gazing into Jamie's wide eyes, smiling. 

Tyler knew he and Jordie had gotten through to Jamie judging by the way he threw himself at them and hugged them tightly. Jordie and Tyler laughed and hugged back.  
"I get it now, I truly do, you guys. I We've all made one another better, it's just you guys are better at pointing it out and acknowledging it then I am. I will always have that shyness to me and that won't ever go away but I will work on being more appreciative and happy with what I have in my life and put myself first at times. That's my problem, isn't it? Being selfless. I just hate the thought of being selfish but I guess one has to be whether you like it or not. Thank you guys. For not giving up on me, even though I can be a pain in the ass," grinned a cheeky Jamie, squeaking as Jordie jokingly put him in a headlock while Tyler ruffled Jamie's hair.

"That you are Chubbs, that you are. But thank YOU for being you, Jamie. This team wouldn't be who we are without you. We're lucky to have you," smiled Jordie, as all three of them decided to dive into one gigantic wrestling fight all over the bed, laughing and giggling like they were 12 again.

Then again, maybe they were still 12.


End file.
